I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
