I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
