i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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