I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
