You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
