I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
