I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
