Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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