Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
