I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
