Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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