No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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