I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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