and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
