they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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