Barsexuality is the new black.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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