I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
sarcasm needs its own font
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
