I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
