it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
