remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
