Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
