I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
