my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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