I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
