A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
