just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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