I must be too annoying 4 u.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
