She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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