Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Girls should come with a carfax report
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
