I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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