She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
