I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
