So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
