that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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