Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
