Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
