ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
