I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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