so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
