took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My vagina just clenched in fear
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
