my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
