Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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