So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
