Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Well I just put wine in my tea
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
