got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
