Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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