Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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