we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Randomize
