im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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