I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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