I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
