Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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