i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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