Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
