I puked a lego.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
