Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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