This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
