i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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