You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
